Here’s your Shameless May I Trim Your Hedges recap. Debbie has been doing all kinds of growing up this season, and we’ve only gotten through three episodes this season. Last week, Debbie took an intentional step toward adulthood by ditching the childlike delusion that her father was father material. This week, Debbie’s trip into adulthood forced her to deal with the fact that the world is full of perverts.
As Debbie and Fiona rode the bus, some unnamed assailant sat in the back, staring at Debbie while jerkin’ his gherkin. Debbie was obviously stunned in that horrific car accident type of way where she couldn’t say anything, but her eyes expressed the immediate horror and confusion. Fiona, of course, stepped into action, throwing a can at the scumbag and chasing him off of the bus, then hugging Debbie and explaining that she didn’t need to see that. This, of course, occurred after Fiona had tried to get a cashier job and was in so many words told that she would have to blow the manager in exchange for hire.
They alerted the authorities and told the whole family, which lead them to the discovery of a local convicted child sex offender. Lip, Ian, and even Carl, first went to Mandy’s dad to gather neighborhood reinforcements. As the mob walked down the block, bats and batons in hand, they recruited even more backup by simply uttering the words “kid toucher.” When the mob arrives at the convict’s house, they are shocked to find that it’s a woman. The crowd disperses, but Lip is still convinced that this woman has a problem and it was not a one time incident. Lip proceeds to act younger than he is in an attempt to seduce the former teacher, offering to trim her hedges in exchange for a pb&j with the crusts cut off. He succeeds, but she leaves evidence and Mandy is less than thrilled. In true Milkovich fashion, Mandy gets rid of the competition almost seamlessly.
Meanwhile, in the drunken haze that is Frank Gallagher’s world, he wanders over to Sheila’s and takes the baby for vaccinations. So basically, he took the baby to the bar, stabbed him in the arm with a thumb tack dipped in alcohol and pocketed the copy. It was here that he had the brilliant idea to bring the child with Down Syndrome to a charity for terminally ill children. Since it is not a terminal illness, Frank uses Carl, telling Carl that he got cancer when he was making meth in the basement. Carl goes to the charity, believing Frank’s lies, and is now poised to go to summer camp with a bunch of terminally ill children. Of course, all Frank wanted was an autographed basketball and some court side seats to sell on eBay.
Mandy offers to teach Debbie self-defense. Yes, our little girl is outgrowing that pillowcase full of soap that she mastered last week and now needs a big girl weapon. While practicing her moves, Debbie encounters Kyle. A chubby little smoker, who lets Debbie talk about the image that burned itself into her corneas on the bus. He kisses her and for the first time in weeks, we see Debbie smile again.
For a while, we think that Kyle is Kev’s son with his crazy not-so-ex-wife, Cheryl. After an incredibly heartfelt speech given by Kevin to Veronica in front of everyone, the trashy ex bursts through the door and expresses her true motives. She repeatedly calls Kevin stupid, and insults Fiona and V. V calmly removes her earrings, which is the universal girl fight signal. She kept her cool until Cheryl admitted that Kyle isn’t even hers, let alone Kevin’s. V pins the bitch down and makes her sign the divorce papers and drive away. Kyle didn’t get in the car, which made Debbie very happy. Are we going to see more of Kyle? Who knows. He seems better than Debbie’s last love interest, at least.
Jimmy is still playing the “Steve” game with his foreign friends. His wife is starting to get a little more wife-ish, somewhat forcing herself on him. His father decided to wander to the south side to see Ian, which seemed to make Mickey jealous. Jimmy’s father ended up getting beaten by Mickey, but not too badly. There is definitely more to come with this triangle. No question. In the end, Fiona told Jimmy that she trusts him, which is bigger than ‘I love you’ in her eyes. Since she doesn’t know that he is still dealing with his quasi-wife, we can assume this is a set up for a bigger fall.
Julia Cuozzo is a grad student at Pace University pursuing a Masters in Publishing. Though the future is uncertain, the one thing she knows is that in August 2013, she will be in Bunol, Spain, throwing tomatoes with some of the best tomato throwers in the world. She is also a huge fan of coffee and finds decaf to be an abomination.